


Just in Case I Need You

by ayuhime



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe, Chronic Illness, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Medicine, Sickfic, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-13 10:35:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9119863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayuhime/pseuds/ayuhime
Summary: Noctis suffers from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME) [also known asChronic fatigue syndrome (CFS)] and doesn't have the energy or ability to take care of himself. His father hires a caregiver (Ignis) to help him live a safer, happier life.Alternate Universe (Sort of). Noct isn't a prince, and doesn't have any powers, but he still lives in Eos/Insomnia. His father isn't a king but is a powerful/rich man.**WARNING: Mentions of attempted suicide/self-harmprompt from: https://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/841.html?thread=178761





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am NOT a sufferer of this disorder. Before writing, I did some cursory research into it to familiarize myself with the symptoms, prognosis, and treatment of ME/CFS. 
> 
> If I misrepresented ME/CFS in any way whatsoever, please know that I have not done so intentionally or in a malicious way. As a student of psychology, I genuinely appreciate the complexity of this disorder and wish to learn more about it in any way I can. 
> 
> My mother suffers from chronic pain and I know the despair/hopelessness one can feel with this kind of disease, so I used that information the best I could when writing this.
> 
> Your feedback is appreciated ^^;
> 
> UPDATE: a lovely user (joelsdick) made a playlist for this fic! please enjoy it here: http://8tracks.com/imma-m-102278/just-in-case-i-need-you

Tired, 

 

Tired, 

 

_Tired_.

 

Noctis doesn’t remember a time when he wasn’t tired. And aching… everywhere and all at once just aching _all the damn time_. 

 

It became a little easier to understand when he was sixteen and the doctors were finally, _finally_ , able to diagnose what the hell was wrong with him. It’d taken years of blood tests, MRIs, x-rays, physicals, and failed treatment after failed treatment to really get down to the real cause of Noct’s nearly constant pain and crippling lethargy:

 

“Myalgic Encephalomyelitis”, they told him, but it was easier to call it Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. 

 

But _understanding_ is so much more different than _accepting_. 

 

“There’s no cure” he was told, along with “there’s no treatment,” and that sounded a hell of a lot like “there’s no hope.”

 

He couldn’t bear the thought of making his dad, his only family, taking all of his time to take care of his _poor_ , _sick_ son _._ His father is already busy enough managing a multi-million gil company in the capital of the world. He was an important man with a lot of important responsibilities with a son whose condition sometimes took around-the-clock care at an age when Noct should be completely independent. 

 

So at age seventeen, he tried to kill himself. He couldn’t handle living as a burden to the one person he loved in the world. He took the entire bottle of pain pills the doctor had given him for particularly bad aches and pains and swallowed them down with some bitter alcohol he found in a cabinet in their kitchen. 

 

Two weeks later, he woke up in a hospital bed. His father held his hand, looking at him with eyes that looked aged by years. 

 

“Sorry,” was the first thing Noct said out loud. It hurt his throat and chest, but at least it distracted him from the pain in his joints. 

 

“Don’t you ever leave me, my son.” Regis kissed Noct’s forehead, and Noct felt a teardrop fall onto his face. It was the first time his father ever cried in front of him. 

 

So Noct resolved that he would power through his disease, no matter how hard it got at times. No matter how bad the pain got, no matter how much he just needed _one more hour_ of sleep (which always turned into many, many more hours), he would never try to take his own life again. 

 

Now he’s twenty years old and, well, his dad isn’t so young anymore. He’s approaching sixty, and it isn’t easy for him to help Noct off of the floor when he’s too tired to get himself up after passing out from exhaustion. Granted, that hasn’t happened in a _long_ time, but he can’t keep expecting someone to always pick him up when he falls, literally. So, over dinner, he brings up a topic that’s bound to be sore: 

 

“I wanna move out.” Noct says, pushing the vegetables to the side of his plate as usual. 

 

“Certainly not.” Regis doesn’t even look up from his dinner. 

 

Noct pushes the issue anyway. “I want a chance to prove I can take care of myself.”

 

Regis is unflappably patient. “I understand that, Noctis, but you’ve just recently gotten your condition under control. I don’t think it’s wise to rush things along.”

 

“One month.” Noct pleads. “Give me one month on my own.”

 

Regis places his fork down carefully and folds his hands in front of him. “You know why I’m afraid to leave you alone, don’t you?”

 

“Dad…” Noct looks away shamefully. “You don’t have to worry about that anymore.” 

 

“I’ll always worry.”

 

“I’m more careful nowadays. I use my wheelchair when I have to.” He reminds his father. He was positively bullheaded about it as a teenager; he didn’t want to _look like_ he had a disease, and the wheelchair was a deal-breaker. 

 

“You do…” Regis admits.

 

“And I’m better about my diet.” Noct is collecting evidence in the case to prove he’s ready to at least _try_ to be on his own. 

 

Regis raises an eyebrow, smirks, and glances down at the abandoned vegetables. 

 

The corners of Noct’s mouth frown and he holds back a chuckle. “Well, maybe not all the time…”

 

Regis is the first to lose his composure, breaking into soft laughter, and Noct follows suit. 

 

* * *

 

 

In less than a week, Noct moves into his high-rise apartment owned by his father’s company. It’s too large for just him, but fully furnished and has everything he could need or want. It feels a _little bit_ bad to be handed this beautiful apartment for literally nothing, but independence, the chance to live a _little bit_ of a normal life makes him excited and gives him a burst of energy. He spends the first half of move-in day grocery shopping, and the second half packing up the empty cupboards and refrigerator. What is usually a mundane errand for most people is a triathlon for Noctis, and he’s _feeling it_ by the time 4:00 pm rolls around. 

 

Every muscle connecting to his shoulders feels pulled in all directions, heavy and strained and tight all at once. His back and torso throb from his very core, and his thighs and calves feel like they carried him across the ocean. He _definitely_ won’t have the energy to cook anything for dinner. And just as he closes his eyes, laying on his new couch, his phone rings. 

 

DAD

 

“Hey,” Noct anwers, trying not to sound so worn out. 

  
“How was the first day?” Regis asks kindly. Noct can hear the warm smile in his voice. 

 

“Great, great.” Noct rubs his eye. “Bought groceries, put them away.”

 

“That’s a lot for one day.” Regis knows his son’s limits well, but is impressed with the young man’s determination to prove himself. “How do you feel?”

 

Noct goes to his default response: “Tired.”

 

* * *

 

Two weeks into his independence and Noct is doing… _alright_. 

 

Well, he’s still alive, isn’t he?

 

The apartment is a bit of a mess, but tons of people live in less-than-perfectly kept homes, right? 

 

By the time he makes himself a meal and manages to force some of it down, he doesn’t have any energy at all to clean up the mess it leaves behind, so there’s a bit of trash around… 

 

… And he _has_ done some laundry, but it hasn’t managed to magically fold itself, so he’s been pulling out clothes as needed, not caring how wrinkly they are, from the pile of clean clothes in the basket. It’s not like he goes out anyway, who does he need to look good for?

 

He talks to his dad every day, sometimes twice a day. He promises things are great, lies through his teeth about feeling better than he actually does. He doesn’t tell his dad that he’s been going to bed crying more often than not because the amount of pain he’s in keeps him up all night. He doesn’t tell him that he’s missed showering for a few days because he can’t get out of bed for more than a glass of water or a Pop-Tart. 

 

Noct tells himself it’ll just take time to get used to the new routine. Once he builds his stamina a bit more over the next few weeks, things will be a little better. 

 

It’s around the third or fourth day without bathing and he can’t stand the smell any longer, so he fights everything within him to stay under the blankets to get his clothes off and get into the shower. Despite all the extra hours of sleep he’s gotten, he doesn’t feel any more rested and his muscles feel more achey and sore than before. He hopes the hot water will help some of the tightness go away. 

 

As he makes his zombie-paced walk to the bathroom, he hears a key turn in his front door. Before he can react, it’s being opened and someone is walking in. “Hello?” He yells out cautiously. 

 

“Noctis?” It’s his father, and Noct can already tell that he’s seen the state of the place. 

 

Noct feels like a little boy again, about to be scolded for failing to clean his room. “Dad…”

 

“Is this what you mean by ‘ _everything’s fine_ ’?” Regis nearly hisses. “Noctis… You can’t take care of yourself like this!”

 

“We agreed on a month.” Noct reminds him, a hand going into his hair. 

 

“You wouldn’t have _held out_ a month!” Regis places a hand over his mouth, and Noct is wondering if it’s because of a smell in the apartment. “This is squalor!”

 

“I just got a little behind…” Noct tries. If his father had decided to come in a just a few hours, Noct probably would have had this place a lot better looking. 

 

Regis goes to the kitchen and inspects the refrigerator: empty. “Noctis, what have you been eating?” He does the same to the cupboards and finds some, but very few, quick and low-nutrition single-serving foods. Regis sighs, his shoulders visibly lowering. He turns to his son, who has settled into humiliated silence. “We need to talk about other arrangements.”

 

Noct’s eyes start to sting and he knows tears are coming. His father is going to make him move back home and Noct’s going to have to be taken care of for the rest of his life. 

 

“Sit down, please.” Regis finds a clear spot on the couch big enough for the two of them and sits first, waiting for Noct to join him before he speaks. “I know how hard you’re trying or else you wouldn’t have lied to me about all of this.”

 

Noct nods, an apology written in his gaze. 

 

“But I can’t sleep at night knowing that this is the state in which my only son is living. I’m too old to endure such a thing.” Regis says. 

 

“Don’t say that…” Noct pleads. 

 

“Then please, humor me and let me look into getting someone to help you out around here?”

 

Noct grimaces. “Like a… butler?” 

 

“Not quite.” Regis pats his son’s hand. “More of a… _caregiver_. Someone trained in medicine, someone who understands your condition and knows what to do to help you live a safe, happy life.”

 

“Would they… _live_ here?” Noct has plenty of space in the apartment, but what good is living away from home if he has to live with someone else anyway? 

 

“No. They would help you get out of the home more often to get things done, and make sure you’re safe doing it.” Regis’ nostrils flare. “And they would make sure you shower _every day_.”

 

Noct folds his arms and pouts. “Well, I’m not letting them give me any sponge baths.”

 

“No?” Regis jokes. “Not even if they’re cute?”

 

Noct’s eyes roll so far they nearly fall out of his head and he groans. “Sto-ooop!” He gets up and heads once again toward the bathroom. “I’m gonna shower now. And I’ll clean after, I promise.”

 

Regis nods. “I trust in you.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

The very next day, Noct’s apartment is in a _slightly_ better state. He manages to collect the garbage around the place and lights a fragrant candle to make the place smell a bit more inviting. It’s still quite cluttered, but it’s the most he can achieve in the few short hours he wasn’t sleeping. 

 

His father returns at 10:00am, as promised in an earlier text message. How on Eos his dad manages to do anything so quickly is beyond him, but he has a very elite team under him, so he imagines a good amount of money was paid to get it done so fast. 

 

When Noct answers the door, Regis pulls him into a hug that honestly a little too tight. “N-nice to see you too, dad.” He struggles. 

 

“You look better than yesterday.” Regis comments, holding his son at arms length to look at him. 

 

Noct shrugs. Does he? He showered, does that make so much of a difference?

 

Regis makes himself busy arranging some of the clutter into neater piles. “I’ve arranged for your caregiver to come meet us here in about fifteen minutes. You’ll take today to get to know each other.”

 

“Alright…” Noct watches quietly. 

 

“I have it on good authority that he’s one of the most knowledgable and skillful registered nurses in Insomnia. And he only takes one client at a time to fully commit to them.” Regis continues to explain. 

 

_He_? Noct catches… As close as he and his father are, he doesn’t think Regis has any idea that Noct, almost exclusively, finds guys attractive. He just hopes his new _caregiver_ isn’t too cute, or else it might make things a little troublesome. 

 

The doorbell rings before they get a chance to settle down, and Regis answers it. Noct simply listens as he sits at the spacious dining-room table, waiting. 

 

As the two emerge from the foyer, Noct softens at the sight before him: the man following his father is tall, slightly taller than himself, with ashy brown hair that’s spiked, and kind green eyes hidden behind stylish glasses. He’s wearing dark blue scrubs and a black zipper hoodie with pristine white sneakers. He smiles at Noct before taking the seat across from him. 

 

God _dammit_ , he’s _really_ **fucking** _cute_. 

 

“Good morning,” the beauty says, and his accented voice is the perfect companion to his astounding looks. 

 

“…Morning.” Noct bites his cheek when his voice comes out an octave higher than usual, and he’s forced to clear his throat. 

 

“I’ve been briefed about your situation a bit, but I have quite a few questions of my own, I’m afraid. If there’s anything you’d rather not answer, please don’t hesitate to tell me. This is all for your own comfort.” Glasses says, his kindness radiating so strongly. “My name is Ignis Scientia.”

 

“Ignis…” Noct repeats. “Nice to meet you.”

 

“You as well, Noctis.” Ignis nods while taking out some paperwork in front of him. Regis looks on with a hopeful smile on his face. 

 

“Noct is fine…” 

 

“Very well, Noct.” Ignis smiles, and it’s making it difficult for Noct to concentrate on anything else. “What are the most common pain symptoms you have on a daily basis?”

 

Noct thinks for a moment; he hasn’t put words to his symptoms in years. “Just… tired, all the time. No matter how much I sleep, I’m just tired. And my muscles hurt, mostly my shoulders, and my back, and my legs, and my head…”

 

“Does light or sound make it worse?” Ignis asks. 

 

“Yeah, more often than not.” Noct confirms.

 

“How do you rate your pain on a daily basis? _One_ being no pain at all, and _Ten_ being completely debilitating, unable to get out of bed.”

 

“On good days, _Eight_.” Noct pauses and glances at his dad. “On bad days… _Ten_.”

 

Regis frowns. “Noctis…” 

 

Ignis interrupts. “Unfortunately that’s very common for people with this condition.” He looks to Regis lightheartedly. “But things are going to start improving.” Ignis continues with Noct. “And eating? When you manage to eat something, does it seem to make you feel more sick than satisfied?

 

Noct is surprised his questions are so pointed; no doctor in all his life has ever been so meticulous. “Yeah, exactly like that, actually…”

 

“And what’s your diet like?” Ignis inquires. 

 

Regis answers for Noct. “Poor.”

 

Noct sticks his tongue out playfully. 

 

“He adamantly refuses vegetables.” Regis adds. 

 

Ignis laughs. “Lucky for you, I’m rather capable in the kitchen.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Noct delights. 

 

Ignis pauses looking at his paperwork and looks up at Regis. “Mister Caelum, I’m afraid I have a few questions that can be rather personal. Would you mind giving me and Noctis a few moments of privacy?”

 

Regis looks between the two and acquiesces. “Oh, right. I’ll um, make some coffee.”

 

Ignis’ eyes brighten. “That would be brilliant, actually.”

 

Noct makes a mental note of that: Ignis likes coffee. 

 

Once Regis is out of ear shot, Ignis speaks more softly. “Remember, you don’t have to answer, but do you get depressed or think about harming yourself?”

 

Noct lowers his eyes. “Depressed? Yeah, but harming myself? No, never.”

 

“Fair enough.” Ignis says. “Do you have moments of confusion? Where it’s difficult to form one thought after the other?”

  
“Definitely.” Noct discloses. He’s so glad that Ignis _gets_ him without Noct having to take time to explain it first. It’s a new experience for him, but he loves it. 

 

“I appreciate you being so candid with me, Noct. It will help me create a more individualized treatment plan for you.” Ignis says. “May I have your permission to take some of your vitals? I’d just like a baseline assessment.”

 

“That’s fine.”

 

“Then let’s move to the couch so you can be more comfortable.”

 

To Noct’s surprise, Ignis offers a hand to help Noct stand up. He even stands right by Noct’s side as he walks the short distance to the couch, keeping his arm available should Noct need to grasp it. This guy really knew his stuff…

 

“So what do you do for fun?” Ignis asks as he pulls out some of his medical tools. He arranges them neatly on the seat beside Noct and kneels just beside him on the floor. 

 

Noct doesn’t know how to answer that; he _doesn’t_ have any fun, ever. “I watch movies sometimes.” He holds his arm out for the blood pressure cuff Ignis is affixing gently. His hands are warm and soft. Ignis puts the diaphragm of a stethoscope against the inside of Noct’s elbow and listens, counts, as the cuff inflates. “Not bad,” Ignis announces once the test is finished, allowing the cuff to deflate and he takes a few notes on a sheet of paper. 

 

“Do you have any hobbies?” Ignis asks, but returns the stethoscope eartips to his ears. He warms the diaphragm against his palm as best as he can. 

 

Noct shrugs. “It’s kind of hard to, you know?”

 

“I understand.” Ignis politely drops the diaphragm down the front of Noct’s shirt and presses it to his chest to listen to his heart. 

 

Noct tries his best to breathe normally, but he knows his heart must be beating at a hummingbird’s pace. Ignis doesn’t mention it. 

 

“You’ve got a strong heart.” Ignis says fondly. 

 

Suddenly he feels all too close to Noct and he shivers uncontrollably. 

 

Ignis just chuckles softly. “Sorry, I know the stethoscope can be cold.” He retrieves the instrument and drapes it around the back of his neck. He then holds his two hands out in front of him, palms together, close to Noct. “Place your hands over mine.”

 

Noct does so hesitantly, hoping his hands aren’t too cold or too rough. 

 

“This is a straightforward muscular strength test.” Ignis starts. “I’m going to push my hands apart. Simply use your strength to stop me from doing so. Easy enough?”

 

“Yup,” Noct replies. He waits for what seems like _minutes_ until Ignis’ hands push apart and he can react, doing the best he can to keep his hands from spreading. 

 

He must have passed, because Ignis takes his hands scribbles down something on his papers. 

 

Regis, in the meantime, has returned and placed two coffees on the table near the two. Ignis, ever focused on his job, hasn’t even paused to take a sip. 

 

Now Ignis places his hands just above Noct’s knees, and it’s everything Noct can do not to explode with goosebumps. “Now I’ll push down on your knees, and I want you to raise them the best you can, one at a time.”

 

That proves to be much, _much_ , more difficult. The second he feels pressure from Ignis’ hands on his legs, he can barely get his muscles to lift his legs a few centimeters. And the pain that radiates in them makes his face scrunch up. 

 

“That’s more difficult, I see.” Ignis observes, though with an understanding quality. He removes the pressure instantly and scribbles more notes, this time taking a moment to sip the coffee. “Thank you very much for this, Mister Caelum.”

 

“Regis, please.” Regis holds up his own half-finished mug. “So, what are your thoughts?”

 

Ignis brings his mug with him along with Noct’s to take a seat beside the raven-haired man, handing him the steaming coffee. “I have many ideas for a treatment plan that I think we should start right away.” Ignis watches Noct as he speaks, looking for any apprehension. “I’d like to get you out of the house a bit more often. Nothing too extreme, just a change of scenery once in a while.”

 

Noct groans, shoving his nose further into the steam of the coffee. Being inside makes him feel better physically as well as emotionally. He didn’t like people staring at him, wondering about him… 

 

Ignis leans in slightly. “I won’t push you to do anything that you can’t handle.” He assures. “I wouldn’t be very good at my job if I only increased your pain and distress, now would I?”

 

Noct shrugs. He’s scared of change, but he knows he has to face it eventually. Ignis seems really sweet and like he genuinely cares about what he does. Maybe it won’t be so bad, he thinks. 

 

“Do you have any questions for me?” Ignis asks the both of them. 

 

Noct speaks first. “How old are you?”

 

Ignis’ brows raise. “I meant more pertaining to your health, but I’m twenty-two. Aquarius, if you’re curious.” He laughs. 

 

“So young for one so educated.” Regis comments.   


“I’ve known what I’ve wanted to do for a long time, so I’ve pursued it headlong. I very much enjoy it.” Ignis places his empty mug onto the table. “So I’d like to spend about eight hours a day with you, Noct, at least to start. I plan to arrive here around 10:00am or noon, starting tomorrow. Does that work for you? I understand that you like to sleep in.”

 

Noct frowns. It’s not like that _likes_ sleeping in, he just literally _can’t_ wake himself up any earlier. “That sounds fine.”

 

“Thank you so much, Ignis. I feel much better knowing you’ll be by my son’s side for the foreseeable future.” Regis stands and shakes Ignis’ hand. 

 

“It’s my pleasure.” Ignis nods then turns to Noct. “I have a gift for you before I leave.”

 

“For me?” Noct shies away. He’s never been good at accepting gifts, always too embarrassed and never knowing how to show his appreciation. 

 

Ignis retrieves a small bag from his things and hangs it to Noct. “It’s a blanket from Tenebrae. The Clerics there are known for their natural medicine. They make the fabric from sylleblossom flowers, then infuse the fabric with oils and other naturally curing ingredients. People with chronic pain claim it helps them sleep better, so I hope you find some utility with it.”

 

Noct is incredibly touched. He just met this wonderful man and already he’s made him feel emotions he hasn’t experienced in _years_. “Thank you so much.” He means it more sincerely than he’s meant anything in a long time. 

 

“You’re quite welcome. I hope it works.” Ignis gathers his things and takes his leave. “See you tomorrow.”


	3. Chapter 3

Ignis arrives at 9:00am, the little liar, and Noct knows that because still he’s awake. _Still_ , from yesterday. No, he didn’t sleep. While he enjoyed the comfort that the blanket _did_ bring him (mostly in the smell; it was the soothing, woody aroma of black currant), it did not, as of yet, help him sleep any better. Still, he stayed in bed until he could, leaving just enough time to dress himself, brush his teeth, and wash his face. Once he finished with the morning routine, he takes his usual slow pace out into the main area of his apartment. 

 

“Good morning.” Ignis calls from the kitchen. 

 

“I thought you said 10:00.” Noct says, but he doesn’t mean it to sound so put out. “I mean, it’s fine…”

 

Ignis doesn’t seem bothered, either way. “I have an errand planned for us and know you’ll need energy to do it, so I wanted to prepare you some breakfast.” 

 

Noct’s stomach audibly protests for him, and his hands can’t fly up fast enough to try and muffle the noise. “Breakfast and I don’t get along so well…”

 

“Just as I figured,” Ignis begins, bringing over a plate anyway. “So I made whole wheat toast with ulwaat berries and a bit of cinnamon. It’s very light on sensitive stomachs.”

 

Noct looks at the plate. He’ll feel like a completely jerk if he doesn’t at least _try_ a bite of it… “That’s really nice of you.” He takes the seat with the plate. 

 

Ignis sits across from Noct with a mug of coffee, made black this time instead of with cream and sugar like Regis had made it yesterday. “Part of my job is to make sure your health maintains certain standards. If that means making you meals, then so be it.”

 

“Are you a nutritionist too or something?” Noct tastes a bite of his breakfast toast, surprised with how good _toast_ can actually taste. 

 

Ignis chuckles. “Not certified, no.” He considers it a moment. “Guess you could say it’s my hobby.”

 

“So cooking is fun for you?” Noct says through chewing.

 

“Quite.” Ignis nods. 

 

Noct swallows before talking this time. “I don’t know how anyone finds it fun.”

 

“Perhaps it isn’t the cooking so much as it is the look of content on the faces of the people you feed with what you create.” Ignis blinks, looking down at the plate and then back up to Noct. “Do you like it?”

 

Noct hadn’t noticed he already finished one of the two slices of toast. “Oh,” he says dumbly, picking up the second piece. “It’s really tasty, yeah.”

 

“Good.” Ignis smiles and nods. “Sorry it’s not more, but I had a feeling you might not spring for a heavy plate of eggs and bacon.”

 

“Definitely not.”

 

“In time, perhaps.”

 

Ignis enjoys his coffee while Noct finishes his toast. “So what’s our errand today?”

 

Ignis takes the empty plate along with his emply mug and brings them to the kitchen sink. “Your pantry is appallingly bare. Why don’t we go grocery shopping together?”

 

Noct groans.

 

“I have a feeling I’m going to be hearing that groan quite often.” Ignis taunts him while he rinses the dishes. 

 

“I just…” Noct begins, folding his arms across his chest. “I didn’t sleep last night.”

 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Ignis returns to the table, standing beside it. 

 

Noct notices he’s wearing scrubs again, this time a forest green color. He’s not sure he likes it. 

 

“Either way,” Ignis starts, “This apartment needs to be stocked, and I can’t know which foods to avoid if you don’t come along with me. The weather’s agreeable and tepid, which might do your skin a favor to see a bit of sunlight. We can also bring your wheelchair to use in case you get too tired. What do you say?” 

 

Ignis had a way of putting things that made Noct hard-pressed to disagree. All of those things were true. Once Noct actually _went_ out, he usually enjoyed himself, it was just _getting_ himself there that was the challenging part. “I can probably do it…” 

 

“Wonderful.”

 

* * *

 

The local grocery store is relatively empty and quiet, being only 10:45am on a Tuesday, and Noct is thankful for that. The crowd is mostly elderly folks who want to keep to themselves and don’t mind so much that Noct is moving so slowly through the aisles because they are too. Ignis is pushing the cart and Noct is on the side of it, keeping one hand on the lip of the metal for support. Being so tired, he keeps losing his train of thought and forgetting what he’s doing, but holding one hand on the cart is keeping him grounded for now. 

 

Ignis has been quiet for the most part, not objecting to any of the foods Noct decides to put in the cart. Noct hasn’t complained about the _proper_ foods Ignis has added to the cart, either, because he’s trying _not_ to be a brat about his diet, for once. 

 

At least Ignis hasn’t tried adding any vegetables.

 

Nearly at the end of their trip, Noct pauses. His lack of sleep has caught up with him in a _bad_ way, and he needs to sit down. His knees start to give out from stabs of pain and he has to grip the cart harder. 

 

“You alright?” Ignis asks, coming around to face Noct. He places a hand on Noct’s upper arm to keep him from falling over, which Noct didn’t even realize was happening. “Noctis?”

 

“Need to… sit…” Noct exhales, his eyes fluttering shut. He feels himself fall forward, but a soft, warm barrier stops him before he hits the ground. Spots of darkness surround him, completely turning his vision to nothing, but a familiar aroma calms him, carrying him to sleep. 

 

* * *

 

Noct’s eyes open and he sits up, a blanket dropping from his chest. 

 

“Back with us?” Ignis’ voice breaks the silence from the chair next to him. 

 

Noct looks around to find his familiar apartment. “How did we get here?” His voice is scratchy, unused for many hours. How long was he out?

 

“You fell unconscious from exhaustion.” Ignis comes to his side, taking Noct’s hand in his and turning it over to expose his wrist, going to touch his pulse point to examine his pulse. “Do you remember?”

 

Noct’s head falls back, frustration setting in. The last time he collapsed was a few years ago. He thought he was doing _better_ … “Sorry.”

 

“Apology entirely not necessary, Noct.” Ignis assures him, returning Noct’s arm to the position it laid in before he disturbed it. “I’m glad you’re alright, is all. I’m sorry to have pushed you to exhaustion.”

 

“You didn’t.” Noct looks around toward the kitchen. “Were you able to bring the groceries back here?”

 

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Ignis laughs. “Yes, the employees were a massive help. While I tended to you, they rang up and packaged our entire order. They wanted to call you an ambulance but I insisted it wasn’t necessary.”

 

“Thanks…” Noct thinks his dad would have been a nervous wreck to get a call that his son was in the hospital, immediately thinking the worst. 

 

“How are you feeling now?” Ignis asks, a hand coming to Noct’s forehead to feel his temperature. 

 

Noct’s first inclination is to lie and say ‘fine,’ but he reminds himself that Ignis is here to help. “My head kills…” 

 

Ignis goes to his bag at once. “I’ll get you something to help with that.” He retrieves two pills and a bottle of purified water. 

 

Noct hesitates to take them right away from Ignis’ outstretched hands. “I don’t really like taking pills.” He admits shyly, not caring to explain the reason why. 

 

Ignis places them on the table for now and sits beside Noct. “It’s naproxen sodium, a thousand milligrams in two pills. It’s non-addictive at this dose, plus I’m here for another four hours. You needn’t worry about any negative side-effects.”

 

How does Ignis consistently know the perfect thing to say to ease Noct’s anxiety like that? Sitting close like this, Noct can detect the black currant again, that amazing smell that settles into his tired bones and sore joints and relaxes him so much. Where is it coming from? 

 

Then he looks to his left, right into Ignis’ eyes, and realizes…

 

It’s Ignis. Whether it’s a colonge or a natural scent, it’s coming from him. 

 

He hurries to take the pills and water, wanting to distract himself from staring for too long. Ignis seems pleased and gets up to go to the kitchen. 

 

“Do you have any appetite for something to eat?”

 

Noct shrugs. “Maybe something small…”

 

“I’ll make you soup, then. Rest for now.” 

 

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Noct turns on the television and puts on a comedy series he’s seen probably ten times over. He gathers the Tenebraen blanket up around his neck, finding the scent rise to his nose once more. That in combination with the medicine Ignis gave him is helping him relax immensely. 

 

Not much later Ignis brings over a steaming bowl of a hearty soup filled with bowtie pasta, bits of chicken, potatoes, and celery. Huh, so Ignis _did_ sneak in some vegetables…

 

“Bon appétit.” Ignis says, sitting a short distance from Noct with his own bowl of soup. 

 

They eat in silence, watching the show that Noct had chosen. 

 

“How is it?” Ignis asks at some point, and Noct only answers with an approving ‘ _mm_.’

 

“You’re not nearly as picky as your father suggested.” Ignis says under his breath, a coy smirk on his face. “Maybe we’ll be able to put some meat on your bones after all.”

 

Noct scowls at him and groans, but Ignis merely laughs. 

 

“I”m just trying to get a smile out of you.” Ignis takes their empty bowls. “Rest. I’m going to do a little clean up and get a load of laundry done.”

 

With a full and satisfied belly, Noct lays onto the couch to watch the show, snuggling into the blanket entirely. He watches Ignis bop around the apartment whenever he comes into his line of vision. He wants to thank Ignis, but his voice doesn’t seem to be able to muster up the right words. 

 

Noct’s eyes have been drooping closed for the better part of an hour now, but the sudden disappearance of the sounds from the television startles him awake. He looks up to see Ignis placing the remote down gently. 

 

“I’ll go so you can sleep.” Ignis says. He’s got his jacket on and his bag slung over his shoulder, ready to take his leave. 

  
Noct sits up, one eye still closed as he looks at the clock. It’s already 8:00pm. “Thank you, Ignis, for everything.” He rasps. 

 

“My pleasure.” He responds. 

 

Noct watches the man make his way to the foyer. “Ignis,” He says, “Can I ask you a favor?”

 

Ignis waits. “Of course.”

 

“When you come see me,” Noct wavers a moment, shy, “Can you not wear scrubs? It makes me feel like… a _patient_.”

 

“… I understand completely.” Ignis nods. He pauses in the foyer and turns back. “One last thing,” Ignis takes out a small card from his pocket and hands it to Noct. “My cell number, just in case you need me. Don’t ever hesitate to call.”

 

Noct’s cheeks redden. “I won’t.”

 

Ignis nods. “See you tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your lovely comments and words of encouragement! I read and cherish every single one ^^ I try to reply to all of your comments but sometimes I just get distracted, I'm sorry ;; Please know that they are seen and appreciated <3 
> 
> I'm going to try to get one chapter to you per day or every other day! Thank you for reading! xo


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ravus makes a brief appearance. I needed a cute baddie and who's better than Ravus for the job ~

The days Noctis and Ignis have together turn into weeks, and the month that Regis and Noct agreed upon has long passed. Regis even backs off from calling every day to check in, agreeing to a call every couple of days instead. 

 

Ignis manages to improve Noct’s diet drastically, adding a substantial amount of proteins, vitamins, and fiber to his meals over time. Noct really does _feel_ better because of it, his pain on a daily basis slightly improved with a bit more energy in his arsenal. It’s not a cure, but it’s something to keep him going for an extra hour or two each day.

 

Best of all, Noct finds himself smiling a lot more often with Ignis around. 

 

Ignis remembers Noct’s request and never wears scrubs again. He looks rather handsome in his casual clothes, Noct thinks, in his set dressy collared button-down shirts and dark pants. He knows it’s dangerous to be admiring his caregiver like this, but it’s too late to worry about becoming attached to him. Noct relies on Ignis for nearly everything, including companionship, but that’s what his father wanted to orchestrate, wasn’t it?

 

He just hopes, in the back of his mind, that Ignis doesn’t secretly dread his time with Noct. 

 

They take walks in a nearby park Ignis spotted one day on his drive over, just to get Noct walking and building a little bit of muscle. Ignis always offers his arm as support when they walk, and Noct takes it, not because he necessarily always needs it, but because he likes the physical contact.

 

To be honest, their relationship involves a lot of touching; Ignis brings his hands to Noct’s face often to feel his temperature or holds his wrist to check his pulse or clutches his shoulders to help steady him when Noct feels weak from standing. 

 

Noct finds that he begins to expect this closeness and occasionally nuzzles himself against Ignis even when they’re just sitting together on the couch or preparing meals together. Understand, Noct hasn’t gained _any_ appreciation for cooking, but pretending to be interested while Ignis explains why this-or-that spice goes with this-or-that ingredient means he can stand closer to him and put his cheek against his shoulder when he talks. 

 

And Ignis never complains, never pushes Noct away. They never talk about the occasions on which they touch; it just became an unspoken affinity over time. Besides, Noct likes to imagine that his pain isn’t so bad when he can feel Ignis so close to him. 

 

That’s why Ignis’ announcement at dinner that evening worried Noct so much;

 

“I’m afraid I won’t be able to come by tomorrow.” Ignis says just before swallowing a mouthful of food. 

 

A hot wave of fear runs through Noct’s entire frame. “Why?”

 

“The hospital I work under wants me to attend a training conference.”

 

“Training? Don’t you already know everything?”

 

Ignis laughs heartily. “It’s man’s folly to presume he knows everything, Noct.”

 

“…The _whole_ day?” Noct asks sheepishly, stirring his pasta around on his fork. 

 

“You’ll be alright.” Ignis assures. “I’ll leave three meals in the fridge for you that you can heat up in the microwave, no preparation required. Spend the day resting, but do a few of your daily stretches if you can. I’ll text you to check in.”

 

“Will you be close by?” Noct asks. He knows he sound selfish, but the words come out before he can stop himself. “Just in case I need you…”

 

Ignis smiles at what’s becoming Noct’s catch-phrase. “It’s not far. And I’m always a phone call away, Noct, you know that.”

 

Noct shrugs. “Yeah, I know…” 

 

* * *

 

Ignis arrives at the location of the conference, parks his car, and heads in. At the check-in table, he finds his schedule and gets a map of the facility. He turns around to head up the escalator when he’s greeted by a familiar, _unwelcome_ , blond man: his ex-boyfriend, Ravus Nox Fleuret. Of course the _brilliant doctor_ Fleuret would be here too… 

 

“I heard you’re the personal caregiver to the son of the head of Lucis Energy Company now.” Ravus says. Not _hello_ , not _how are you_ , nothing resembling what a _civilized_ human being might say. 

 

Ignis is serious about patient confidentiality, so he simply folds his arms. 

 

“Heard he’s a petulant brat, that one.” Ravus tries. 

 

But Ignis isn’t going to stand for insults from Ravus. “Rather pleasant company, actually.” He rebuffs. “Unlike yourself.”

 

“I don’t recall being unpleasant during our relationship,” Ravus tilts his head as if he’s actually confused. “I believe that privilege was left to you.”

 

“Ravus,” Ignis sighs. “I have better things to do than stand here and argue with you, is there anything substantial you needed to say?”

 

Ravus looks dissatisfied at Ignis’ unaroused response. “How disappointing to see you’ve lost your usual venomous wit.”

 

“It’s not lost, I simply don’t wish to waste it on the likes of you.” Ignis says calmly, walking past the blond now. “I wish you well.” 

 

Ignis walks away from Ravus without looking back, and he’s proud of himself for it. Last time that Ravus confronted him, he was stuck arguing with him for the better part of twenty minutes. And for longer at another time before then. Ravus had always known just what to say to rile Ignis up and get the better of him. Maybe Ignis has grown up a bit in his time away from Ravus, has learned a little patience too, and it certainly helps that he has someone else, someone more _important_ , taking up his thoughts now.

 

He takes his cell phone from his pocket and types a text message to Noctis, telling him he’s arrived safely at the conference, smiling as he hits send. 

 

* * *

 

Noct’s day without Ignis drags on, and on, and _on._

 

He doesn’t manage to get out of bed until after noon, and by then it’s already too late for breakfast so he skips it. He thinks about going to the fridge to see what Ignis left for the midday meal, but _thinking_ is about as far as he gets to the kitchen. 

 

Ignis texting him at 2:00pm to tell him he’s arrived at the training conference is the highlight of his day. He thinks about replying, but can’t help but think he could get Ignis in trouble for having his phone go off in the middle of things, so he doesn’t. 

 

Noct can hear the hands on the clock tickling, the whirring of the building’s heating unit click on every so often, and the occasional sound of water running through the pipes in the walls. Even the television isn’t enough to drown out the din of the empty space that surrounds him. He decides that he doesn’t prefer being lonely anymore, not like how he was three months ago before Ignis was in his life, and the quiet is draining the life from him.

 

He calls his dad and has some small talk, but Regis is about to go into a meeting and can’t talk for long. He promises to catch up with Noct soon, probably Friday, and Noct smiles when he agrees so Regis won’t hear his despondency over the phone. 

 

It’s only 5:00pm when Noct decides to crawl into bed and seek solace under all of the blankets and covers. It’s not long before he dozes off, and he’s asleep when misses the second text that Ignis sends around 9:00pm:

 

**goodnight, see u tomorrow**

 

* * *

 

Ignis arrives the next day around 11:00am to a quiet apartment. Noct isn’t awake yet, so he takes the opportunity to gather ingredients for breakfast. Noct has been enjoying avocado and eggs lately, so opens the refrigerator to gather the essentials. Then he notices the three neatly packaged meals he left for Noct to eat yesterday during his absence, completely untouched. 

 

He’s crestfallen, not at all because of the waste, but because he’s worried about Noct fasting for too long. 

 

Not hearing a single noise from inside the apartment, Ignis decides to investigate. 

 

“Noctis…?” Ignis peeks into the dark bedroom and sees a tuft of black hair peeking out from the blankets. Noct is sleeping soundly on his stomach with his hands cradled into his chest. Ignis hates to disturb him when he looks so peaceful, but his nurturing instinct is telling him to get some food in Noct’s stomach. He goes to the edge of the bed and sits down quietly. 

 

Noct wakes up with a hand rubbing his back. “Will you be joining the living world today?” He hears Ignis ask him when one of his eyes pops open. 

 

“ _Mm_ ,” Noct groans, moving his arms and legs slowly to stretch them awake. “What time is it?” He asks.

 

“Just past 11:00am.” Ignis answers. 

 

“My back is killing me…” Noct grumbles, taking every effort to turn himself over onto his side. It hurt to move, but it hurt to stay still too. Either way, he hurt. He needed some relief.

 

“You didn’t eat any of the food I left for you yesterday.” Ignis tells him. 

 

“Hurt too much to get up…” Noct tries to justify.

 

Ignis nods knowingly but sighs. “I have to come up with something…”

 

“For what?” Noct pulls the blanket up higher around his nose and mouth, searching for more warmth. 

 

“Something to ensure you, at the very least, feed yourself when I’m not here!” Ignis says a little angrily, but he quickly recants his aggravation, putting a hand close to Noct’s that are hidden under the blankets. “Because I worry about you when I’m not here…” He says candidly.

 

“…Sorry to make you worry.” Noct feels bad and lowers his eyes, feeling them sting a little. He hasn’t cried in a while and doesn’t want to now, so he mashes the heels of his hands against his closed eyes and rubs them hard. 

 

Ignis can tell Noct is distressed and looks to change the subject. “Yesterday at the conference, one of my training sessions was massage techniques for those with chronic pain.” Noct looks at him after a moment, so he continues. “Shall I try them on you? It might relieve some pain in your back.”

 

“I don’t like massages.” Noct grumbles. “They make me more nervous than relaxed.”

 

“Well this isn’t a spa massage; you don’t have to remove any of your clothing,” Ignis cajoles, “And I’ll just be touching your back. If there’s anything you don’t like, just tell me to stop and we will.”

 

“Fine.” Noct gives into another perfectly-backed argument from Ignis he can’t possibly refuse. 

 

“Excellent. Get comfortable while I retrieve something.”

 

Noct remains where he is, laying on his stomach with his arms bent and his hands under his head to prop his head up just a little. He’s only wearing a thin black tee shirt and sweatpants and hopes he isn’t too rank from not showering yesterday… 

 

Ignis returns with a small glass bottle in his hand. “It’s black currant oil mixed with just a bit of vanilla. It’s very good for the skin, a natural antioxidant, and known to reduce inflammation.” 

 

Noct grins softly. “The blanket you gave me smells like black currant.”

 

“I suppose that stands to reason,” Ignis says while pouring a small amount of the oil into his palms, “I use it often for myself.” He pauses. “Would it be alright if I brought my hands under your shirt?”

 

“That’d be fine…” Noct says, turning his face away from Ignis shyly. 

 

Ignis’ hands are spectacularly soft and warming, and the oil making contact with Noct’s skin brings a refreshing sensation. He starts with his thumbs along the ridges of Noct’s spine, presses down ever so gently, and moves them outward, releasing pressure along the way. 

  
When Ignis’ hands return to the ridges of his spine, Noct involuntarily moans out a sigh of pleasure. A _loud_ one.

 

Ignis gives a satisfied laugh. “You don’t like massages.”

 

“Shutup,” Noct whines, hiding his reddened cheeks farther into his pillow. “I didn’t mean t—”

  
“I’m teasing you.” Ignis chides. “Just relax and enjoy yourself for once.”

 

Being touched so softly feels too intimate, but there’s a part of Noct that feels a catharsis in it. Emotions are welling up in his chest and are threatening to spill out in the form of tears, or even worse, audibly. He keeps his lips sealed as best as he can, but he finds he can’t keep up with how much air his lungs need that way. His heart is beating at the rate that’s surely too fast to be relaxed. _What’s happening to me_?

 

“I’m so glad you’ve put on weight, Noct.” Ignis’ comments. His voice is so close to whispering, it makes Noct’s eyes flutter closed. “You were far too skinny when we first met three months ago…” 

 

“… all of your cooking.” Noct gets out somehow. He’s absolutely _melting_ under Ignis’ hands, any pressure that Ignis puts into his sore muscles magically dissolving his pain away. 

 

Ignis moves to using the heels of his hands to apply pressure, moving outward from Noct’s spine to his ribcage. His fingers, while not applying pressure, are laying on top of Noct’s skin and unintentionally tickling him, but Noct is soundlessly gasping instead of jumping away. 

 

Noct can’t help but think of how open he is, how much of his body he’s really giving to Ignis right now. Having never, _ever_ , so much as kissed someone else intimately, so having hands on his naked skin is pushing him to feel things that are unfamiliar and terrifying and _breathtaking_. 

 

Ignis’ thumbs dip just centimeters below the back of Noct’s waistband to the dimples of his lower back, pressing that delicious amount of pressure again, and it’s more than Noct can take.

 

“M-mind if I hop into the shower?” Noct asks too quickly. “I feel all sticky and gross.” He feels only _slightly_ gross, and not at all sticky, but he needs to escape the borderline _erotic_ feeling Ignis just gave him with that touch.

 

Ignis gives an easy laugh. “Certainly. I’ll prepare breakfast.”

 

“Thanks, for the massage.” Noct adds before Ignis leaves. “It really _was_ nice.”

 

Ignis smirks, peeking back at him quickly before giving him privacy. 

 

Noct races to the bathroom at a speed inhumanly possible for himself and starts the water in the shower. He steps under the stream from the shower head before it’s warmed up, enduring the cold willfully. He takes slow, deep breaths to try and calm his trembling body. The cold water helps, for sure, just like it does on TV… 

 

Once the water is comfortably warm, Noct has time to feel absolutely mortified. Could he have acted _any more_ like the biggest virgin in the whole world just now? He knew he would probably be sensitive to soft touches like that from someone other than his dad, but to the extent where he was _moaning_ and… _writhing_ … too? He covered his face with his hands, as if there was anyone to hide from in his bathroom. 

 

He thinks and overanalyzes it from every angle and finally comes to a conclusion that shouldn’t have caught him off guard, but it does, _bigtime_ :

 

He’s got a massive, incurable crush on Ignis Scientia, and it’s going to cause him a tremendous amount of trouble… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for waiting patiently ^^ chapter 5 is likely to come closer to wednesday... sorry for the delay!
> 
> hope your new year is treating you well so far xo
> 
> PS enjoy this for your life: http://imgur.com/a/wve0Z


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: heavy chapter ahead. use/abuse of alcohol, detailed descriptions of past suicide/self harm. 
> 
> also if there are any typos please ignore as I didn't get a chance to proofread it too much before posting ^^;

August arrives and marks six months that Noctis and Ignis have been confidants. Noct doesn’t know what else to call them… are they _friends_? Are they _more_ than that? Or are they simply _caregiver_ and _patient_? The uncertainty plagues him and he wants to approach Ignis about the subject, but never finds the right moment, never finds the right words… 

 

It’s the end of a ‘rather sultry’ late-summer day, as Ignis likes to say, and there’s a warm gust flowing through Noct’s apartment. The sunset is painting the sky all sorts of shades of purple, red, yellow, and orange. Noct wants to go out on the balcony to stare out into the city as the colors descend onto it, but he’s busy with a bit of domestic work; Ignis is washing dishes and Noct is drying them. Noct didn’t at all mind the little chores Ignis had him help with, so long as he was at his side doing them. 

 

Ignis hands Noct the last plate to dry. “A little birdy told me we have reason to celebrate the 30th of this month.” He says, rinsing the soap bubbles from his hands. 

 

Noct hides a smile. “Yeah…” He carefully stacks the dry plate into the cabinet. 

 

“Any ideas as to what you’d like to do? Twenty-one is a good age.” Ignis turns to Noct, a hand on his hip. 

 

Noct turns toward the balcony’s glass sliding doors again, making his way to sunset-watch. “Do you maybe wanna go out to dinner?”

 

“That would be nice.” Ignis says. “Want to bring your father along?”

 

“No, just us.” Noct leans on the railing, starting to daydream as he looks out onto the colorful dusky Insomnia. 

 

Behind him, he doesn’t see Ignis melt into a soft smile. 

 

* * *

 

 

The 30th of August falls on a Saturday, so they choose to celebrate on the very day of Noct’s birth to go out to eat. Noct lets Ignis choose the place, knowing that he’ll be able to pick a place within Noct’s dietary guidelines. While it didn’t work for all people with his illness, for Noct, eating a certain diet was tremendous help in reducing his daily pain and increasing his overall energy levels. He was so thankful to Ignis, whose cooking is literally saving his life. 

 

But it was going to be nice to eat at a restaurant. He’s increased his time spent out of his apartment in the past six months, but they’ve mostly been trips to do errands (grocery shopping, doctor’s appointments), nothing simply for fun, really. Since Noct has been walking better and at a quicker pace, he wasn’t so afraid of people staring at him and wondering about him as much. 

 

So Ignis brings them to _Starlight_ , a modern eatery with a moving ceiling that mimics a starry night sky, enveloping its guests in celestial magnificence. Noct loves it, keeping staring up into it as it swirls and flows. He doesn’t see this many stars in Insomnia, the light pollution from the city always masking any stars that have the courage to come out. 

 

Noct orders a dish of Spicy Long-Bone Rib Steak and a mojito to drink after Ignis convinces him to indulge himself. Ignis orders Grilled Wild Barramundi with a crisp white wine. Noct is so out of his comfort zone, but his heart remains at a steady pace, doubtless from looking at the twinkle from the man-made stars as they reflect in Ignis’ eyes. 

 

The food is spectacular and Noct gets a pleasant buzz from his drink. He’s a little disappointed that the waiter didn’t ask for his ID, because he’s proud to be able to prove his age now, but it’s nice all the same. Ignis’ conversation is as delightful as usual, keeping Noct smiling and untroubled. He forgets his pain the entire time they’re there. 

 

“Ignis?” Noct asks. _Now_ feels like the right moment, and he doesn’t have the right words yet, but the stars above them sparkle and give him courage. “Can I talk to you about something?”

 

Ignis rests his elbows on the table, looking across at Noct softly. “Certainly.”

 

Noct’s cell phone rings, jarring the quiet serenity between them. “Sorry…” He looks at the screen, recognizing the name that comes up. “It’s my father’s assistant?”

 

Ignis’s brow furrows. “That’s unusual.”

 

“Yeah, it is…” Noct answers the phone. “Hello?”

 

“Noctis Lucis Caelum?” The man confirms. 

 

“Yes?”

 

“This is your father’s assistant, Clarus Amicitia.”

 

“Yes…” Noct is looking at Ignis who’s mirroring his worried expression. “Is something wrong?”

 

“He’s been in a car accident.” Clarus explain calmly. 

 

“My father?” Noct confirms. “Is he alright?”

 

“I think it’s best you come to the emergency room at Insomnia General. Should I send a car to come get you?” Clarus asks. 

 

“No, no… I can… get a ride…” Noct feels himself start to shake. “Be there as soon as I can…”

 

“I’ll meet you in the lobby when you arrive.” And Clarus hangs up. 

 

“My dad’s been in a car accident…” Noct swallows, panic setting in. “Clarus said I should come right away…”

 

Ignis nods and stands, catching the nearest waiter to settle their bill. “Then let’s hurry.”

 

* * *

 

 

Clarus paces the lobby, his arms folded to his chest as he stares hard down at the floor. Once he spots Noct, he attempts to curb his trepidation for Noctis’s sake. They skip pleasantries. “Follow me.”

 

Noct pushes himself to walk the pace that Clarus sets as he follows him, ignoring the additional pain it causes his joints. Ignis places a hand at the base of Noct’s back to encourage him to keep pushing forward. Noct is burning hot, every part of his body trembling with dread. He feels nauseous and lightheaded at the same time, but adrenaline from anxiety keeps pressing him to carry on. 

 

Clarus turns the corner into a room at the end of the hall, stepping aside so Noct can enter. 

 

Noct looks at his father, motionless, lying in the bed. His arms and face, the only parts of his skin that are exposed, are bruised and lacerated. There are tubes going into Regis’ mouth and fluids being pumped into his arms through IVs. The soft beeping of the heart monitor quells Noct’s momentary worry that he’s looking at his father’s dead body. 

 

“He’s in a medically induced coma,” Clarus tells the two men in the room. 

 

Ignis helps himself to Regis’ medical chart left at the end of the bed, glancing over the information to understand exactly what’s going on. 

 

“Ignis?” Noct turns to him, tears choked in his throat. “What’s it say?”

 

Ignis considers his words, looking to be delicate. “There’s been traumatic damage to some vital organs, Noct.” He pauses to let the implications sink in. 

 

Noct’s knees collapse under him and he whimpers. His hands meet the floor first, catching him from falling over completely, but his shaking arms and legs keep him from standing back up, overwhelmed from the news. 

 

Ignis kneels down to Noct’s level, putting his arms around Noct’s shoulders. “Breathe, Noct.” He strokes him slowly, trying to calm him, but also keeping him steady. 

 

“Is he going to die?” Noct asks through tears now, unashamed of them. 

 

Ignis retains his tact when he speaks. “Putting him into a medically induced coma is his best shot at letting the body try and recover.” 

 

Clarus has turned away, unable to look at Noct break down. He’s just as worried for Regis. 

 

Ignis whispers something to Noct and helps him stand up, holding his arms to guide him to a chair. Noct is listless and in mild shock. 

 

Hours pass in silence, Noct watching his father closely, as if he’s expecting Regis to open his eyes any second. Ignis and Clarus say nothing and offer their support to Noct with occasional touches to his arms. 

 

It’s nearly midnight when the silence finally breaks. 

 

“Clarus, thank you for being here for so long.” Noct speaks, his voice fragile. “Go home to your family.” He won’t take his eyes off of his motionless father. 

 

Clarus looks to Ignis for validation that Noct will be alright and Ignis gives a silent nod. He leaves respectfully, knowing he’ll be back in the morning. 

 

Once the footsteps disappear, Ignis stands. “I’m going to get a coffee. Do you want anything?”

 

“Water…” Noct answers, his voice still scratchy. 

 

Ignis returns with their drinks, handing Noct the cold bottle of some name-brand drinking water. Noct takes it, freeing Ignis’ hand to pull up a chair beside his charge for him to sit. 

 

They spend several more minutes in silence before Noct clears his throat to speak. “Now I know how my dad felt…”

 

“Hm?”

 

“…You know how I never used to like taking any pills up until a few weeks ago?” He continues, feeling tears start to sting his eyes.

 

“Yes.”

 

“It’s because I took a whole bottle of pain pills to try and kill myself when I was seventeen.” Noct says, his knees now curled up to his chest. 

 

Ignis’ eyes close for a long moment before reopening and looking at Noctis somberly. 

 

“I had just received my diagnosis and was really thinking it’d never get any better. I thought my dad would just be so much better off…”

 

“It’s never true.” Ignis says, like he knows personally. 

 

“He must have found me and gotten me to the hospital. He said I was in a coma for two weeks. I remember when I woke up how his eyes looked… like he aged so, so many years.”“So now I know how he felt… watching me, waiting for me to wake up, wondering if I’m _ever_ going to wake up.”

 

“He’ll wake up.” Ignis reassures. 

 

Noct senses unease in Ignis and looks to him, waiting for him to speak. 

 

“I’m… very glad you didn’t succeed in your attempt,” Ignis says, “The world would be a darker place without Noctis Lucis Caelum.”

 

Noct gives a smile, the biggest he can muster in this somber situation, and rests his head on Ignis’ shoulder. Propriety be damned, he needs to be close to someone right now.

 

“Let me take you home for now. You should rest.” Ignis strokes Noct’s hair, coaxing him away from his father’s side. 

 

Noct approaches his father’s side one last time for the night and kisses his forehead, wishing him well through the night. 

 

* * *

 

 

They get back to Noct’s apartment about twenty minutes later, and Ignis seems just as much, if not more, exhausted than Noct is. He loosens his tie so fast it’s like it’s been choking him, then hastily unbuttons and sheds his dress shirt, tossing it aimlessly toward some piece of furniture. All that’s left to cover his torso is a thin white undershirt, and Noct stares. Ignis goes to the fridge and reaches to the top of it, pushing a basket out of the way and retrieving a rectangular wrapped box with a small bow atop it. Noct had no idea it was up there, and for how long, he wondered. 

 

“I think now is as good a time as any to give you this…” Ignis places it on the dining table, eyeing it before eyeing Noct. 

 

“What is it?” Noct picks it up, testing the weight of the box in his hands.   
  
“Your birthday present.” Ignis answers. “Open it.”

 

Noct tears off the paper, revealing a glass bottle. “Ulwaat berry vodka…?” Noct chuckles. 

 

“I had hoped to give it to you as more of a commemoration for you turning of drinking age…” Ignis shrugs, “I didn’t think you’d need to drink it so soon.”

 

“The ulwaat berries,” Noct reflects “You used them in the first meal you ever made for me…”

 

Ignis looks genuinely moved. “You remembered?”

 

“…So did you.” Noct points out, holding the bottle.

 

“Yes, well…” For the first time, Ignis looks lost for words. He clears his throat and shifts his attention back to the alcohol. “I don’t drink often, in fact… I _never_ drink… because when I do, my inhibitions go to the wayside.” Ignis places down two shot glasses, of which Noct didn’t even know he possessed in his apartment. “But it’s been a ‘get sloppy drunk’ sort of evening, hasn’t it?”

 

“Yes, it has.” Noct agrees, unscrewing the cap on the vodka and pouring two shot glasses full of the stuff. He’s had alcohol before, of course, but never in the quantities he imagines he’s about to consume. “I like this side of you.”

 

“Well enjoy it while you can,” Ignis promises, “I mean it when I say it doesn’t happen often.” He picks up one of the full glasses and lifts it to eye-level. “To your father’s quick recovery.”

 

“…I sure hope so.” Noct downs his own glass full of the vodka, realizing what a poor choice it was to take such a big mouthful right away. He manages to swallow it all down without choking or spitting it out, but it burns his tongue and his throat something _fierce_. “Gods!” He hisses, letting the glass hit the table a bit too forcefully.

 

Ignis finishes his shot gracefully, no more than a light shiver running through him, but that somehow seems more alluring to Noct than anything. Suddenly, Ignis takes the vodka bottle by the neck with one hand and the two shot glasses with the other, and starts walking toward the couch.

 

Noct follows him without a word, immediately settling into his usual spot beside the arm of the couch. 

 

Over time, it’s also become immediately beside Ignis. 

 

Noct wraps his Tenebrae blanket around them both, not requiring the warmth, but _needing_ the closeness. He’s _so_ afraid of what tomorrow will bring for his father, but he doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want to drown in this anxiety and worry. He can literally do _nothing_ but wait. The feeling of hopelessness in his core is nearly crippling him. If Ignis weren’t beside him, he would be in a _lot_ worse shape. 

 

“Ready for another?” Ignis asks Noct, referring to the bottle of vodka. 

 

“If I didn’t know any better,” Noct can’t help but sass him, even when he feels this uneasy, “I’d say you were trying to get me drunk.”

 

“Yes,” Ignis has poured the glasses full and hands one to Noct. “But I think I need it just as much. Your story earlier at the hospital got me thinking about my brother, Ventus.”

 

Noct thinks back to what he told Ignis and can’t imagine how _that_ could conjure up memories one’s sibling. “You never said you had a brother.”

 

“ _Had_. I _did have_ one…” Ignis emphasizes, and his eyes take on such a sad demeanor it makes Noct nearly cry. 

 

“…Did he die?” Noct asks, afraid.

 

Ignis nods. “…He committed suicide.” He says gently. “He was thirteen.”

 

“Ignis…” Noct bites his cheek. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have mentioned it if—”

 

“Hush. It’s not a problem.” Ignis assures. “It’s cathartic to talk about him once in a while, especially after discovering we share a similar life experience, albeit a dark one.” 

 

Noct lowers his eyes; he’s not proud to have that part of his past. 

 

Ignis begins pouring two more shots. “He was being bullied. He had very mild autism and loved to collect unusual things; sea glass, glass figurines… Anything glass. His peers didn’t share his interest and picked on him. It’s as simple as that…” He drinks one down for himself, not waiting for Noct to catch up with him. 

 

Noct sips his steadily, already feeling his head swim from the first two. 

 

Ignis continues. “I was sixteen and had already started my medical training. I tried my best to show interest in the little things he liked so much, but I barely had any time even to sleep. I can’t help but think if I showed more interest, I might have done something sooner.”

 

“You know it’s not true…” Noct asserts.

 

“Is it?” Ignis asks. “Could someone have stopped you in your attempt if they had shown a bit more interest?” He asks, wanting desperately to know the answer from someone who survived it. 

 

“I don’t know…” Noct thinks. “My dad and I have always been close. I loved him so much that I thought I was being selfless by leaving him to do as he pleased.” He blinks, realizing how heavy his eyelids have become from the alcohol. “I didn’t realize ’til years later that it was the most selfish I could have ever been. I was just in so much pain, physically and emotionally, that I couldn’t bear it another day.” He feels a cool wetness on his cheek and reaches up to wipe it away, only then realizing that he’s been crying. 

 

Ignis thinks for a long while about what that might have meant for his brother. “I always just wanted to ask Ventus _why_. Even though I know it won’t change anything. _”_

 

Noct can’t find an adequate reply, so he just finishes his third shot and resolves to have no more; he’s already too drunk. He places the empty glass down on the table in front and falls back into Ignis, wrapping his arms around the older’s waist. He doesn’t care about hiding how he feels right now. 

 

And, apparently, neither does Ignis, because he lifts Noct into his embrace and lays back, bringing Noct with him to lay facing each other. “Is this okay?” Ignis asks, emphasizing _this_ with a squeeze of his arms already around Noct’s torso, holding him close. 

 

“I-It’s nice.” Noct dives his forehead down against Ignis’ chest. He can feel Ignis’ heavy breathing, can smell the undertone of alcohol on his breath, and knows he’s just as far gone as Noct is. He feels safe and cared-for and warm and the room is spinning but it all feels _incredible_. 

 

Ignis touches his lips to Noct’s forehead and whispers. “Thank you for listening.” 

 

“Ignis,” Noct still has his head nuzzled into Ignis’ chest when he speaks, “What are we? You and I…”

 

“Hm?” Ignis pauses. He thinks about how to answer professionally, but his drunk brain can’t properly process his usual logic. 

 

Noct takes a deep breath before speaking, his hand nervously picking at Ignis’ shirt. “I know that you only spend so much time here because you’re paid to—”

 

“Noct—” Ignis tries to interrupt.

 

“—So I hope I don’t put you in an awkward position by saying…” Noct blurts out quickly, slurring the words together a bit. “…that I truly consider you one of my closest friends. And… I really care about you.” He says that part a bit more slowly, trying to look Ignis in the face at this awkward angle so he knows he’s serious. 

 

A slow, humble smile builds across Ignis’ face. “I was going to say, to your previous comment, that I could be paid nothing and I would still spend time with you.” He starts, drawing slow circles on Noct’s back. “I care about you very deeply, to an extent which I can explain more el… _eloquently_ once I am less inebriated.” His voice is low, rattled by exhaustion and intoxication, and Noct thinks he couldn’t sound sexier. 

 

“You sounded pretty eloquent just now, to be honest.” Noct chuckles, still cuddling Ignis, although he’s peeked up at his face to see that his eyes are closed and he’s starting to doze off. 

 

“It’s requiring great effort, trust me.” Ignis mumbles, a soft laugh in his tone. 

 

“Will you stay here tonight?” Noct invites, knowing Ignis is practically asleep already. “I really don’t want to be alone.” He adds regardless. 

 

Ignis snickers. “I think I’m too drunk to drive, anyway.” 

 

“You _think_?” Noct reproves, smirking anyway as Ignis pouts at him, _actually_ pouts. 

 

This time, just once, Noct cares for Ignis; he helps the older sit up, carefully helps him walk to Noct’s bedroom, gets his glasses off for him, and gets him tucked under the blankets. Noct crawls in after him and finds two arms coming to cradle him into sleep. He settles into them readily, feeling so much love engulf him. 

 

“Everything is going to be alright.” Ignis promises, and his voice carries Noct into pleasant dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REALLY sorry that it took so long to get this chapter to you all! Back at work after winter break and it's kicking my butt's sleep schedule. I promise I will post as often as I can. I haven't forgotten about you or this story ^^ Two more chapters to come!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter is kind of boring, but it sets up a bunch of stuff for the final chapter~ Enjoy it ^^

Noctis opens his eyes and is greeted to a new sort of pain in his head: a sharp sting right behind his eyes that radiates down his neck that makes any amount of light hurt his entire being. He groans and brings the blankets up around his head and then remembers Ignis went to bed with him last night. He pads around for him but doesn’t find him, and instead finds a warm spot beside him, recently abandoned. 

 

“Ignis?” Noct calls tentatively, the act of throwing his voice making his head throb more. 

 

“I’m here.” His familiar voice answers, coming back toward the bedroom. “How’s your head?” 

 

“Awful.” Noct whines, hiding under the blankets. “It hurts so much…”

 

“Welcome to your first hangover.” Ignis teases. He crawls onto the bed and peels back a bit of the blankets to find Noct’s eyes and smiles at him. “I brought you water, you should drink.”

 

The thought makes Noct’s stomach churn and his lips curl in disgust.    


 

Ignis urges the bottle closer to Noct. “I know, but it _will_ help, trust me.”

 

“How do you _not_ feel like dying?” Noct asks, shaky hands taking the water bottle begrudgingly. 

 

“I never said I didn’t.” Ignis answers, finding his way back under the blankets with Noct. 

 

Being closer to him, Noct notices Ignis isn’t wearing his glasses, and he can see the deep green color of his eyes. The irises of his eyes have the most gorgeous star pattern, too, dusted with flakes of blue and gold. 

 

“Something the matter?” Ignis says just above a whisper. 

 

Noct shakes his head. “Just realized I’ve never seen your face without your glasses.”

 

Ignis laughs. “Yes, well, without them I can hardly make out yours.”

 

“Is your eyesight that bad?” Noct asks, sipping his water. 

 

“Up this close, it is.” Ignis says, “From farther away, it’s much better.”

 

Amid the casual conversation, the events from the previous day come flooding back: his father in a coma, their close, drunken intimacy from last night. Their relationship crossed a line that they could never again return to, but now was anything but the perfect time to try and discuss it. For now, it would go unspoken. Regis’ condition would take precedence until he either recovered… _or_ … and Noct frowns with worry.

 

“Would you like to go visit your father today?” Ignis asks, a comforting hand coming to stroke Noct’s upper arm with his knuckles. 

 

Noct nods. He feels terrible and hasn’t even tried getting out of bed yet, but he needs to go. He needs to push through any pain he has to go and see his father. 

 

“So, think you can muscle down some breakfast?” Ignis raises the question, not sure if even _he_ has the stomach for it. “They say a greasy breakfast is an excellent hangover remedy, but I’ve never been keen on putting it to the test.”

 

“I don’t think I’m about to test it…” Noct holds his fragile stomach, choosing to stick to the water instead. 

 

* * *

 

 

So they set a daily routine of waking up, eating breakfast, driving to the hospital, and spending several hours at Regis’ side before they head back to Noct’s apartment for the night. Ignis gets Noct to take short walks around the hospital on occasion to stretch his legs, but otherwise Noct is next to his father, monitoring him as if he’s the only one on watch duty. 

 

Ignis is more helpful to Noct than the doctors concerning keeping Noct updated on Regis’ condition. The doctors spoke too fast, with too much medical jargon, and rushed along to other patients too quickly. He thought about threatening them with cutting off energy to the hospital if they didn’t start treating him better, but he knew his father wouldn’t approve of that sort of abuse of power. He relinquished control and let Ignis manage things, like always. 

 

But that didn’t stop Noct from trying to do too much. He pushed to stay awake a few more hours every day, pushed to stay a few more hours at the hospital every week, and pushed to try to prove to Ignis how well he was doing when, in fact, he wasn’t. His pain had increased considerably, probably due to all of the stress, and the fact that he hasn’t mentioned it means that Ignis hasn’t been able to do anything to help him with it. Noct knew he was being a stubborn brat, but he wanted the focus to be on his father, who was much worse off than he was. 

 

Regis wakes two weeks after the accident, but with less improvement than everyone had hoped for. He can eat, which is good, because he lost a significant amount of weight while he was comatose, but he isn’t able to keep much down. He doesn’t have much strength for speaking, so he leaves communication to small hand gestures and eye motions. Noct is just happy he’s alive and looking at him. 

 

His kidneys have shut down completely, and his only hope for an upswing is an organ transplant. 

 

Noctis immediately volunteers to donate one of his kidneys to his father, so the doctors set to test their blood types for a match. Regis is blood type O, and Noctis is type A: they are not compatible for an organ donation. 

 

Noct is beside himself, but he starts rattling off alternatives: could they start asking the employees at his father’s company? Could they register Regis on the donor list? How long could they keep his father on dialysis safely while they wait for a donor kidney?

 

“I’m type O,” Ignis interrupts, “I’ll donate one of my kidneys.”

 

Noct whimpers. “Ignis, you can’t.”

 

Ignis nods politely to the nurses and places a hand on Noct’s back to get him to follow. “Let’s talk elsewhere.” Ignis tells him, leading him down the hallway. 

 

“Ignis, you can’t do this.” Noct repeats himself once they’re alone in a room filled with benches and the buzzing of vending machines. 

 

“Why not?” Ignis sounds more serious than Noct’s ever heard him. “Your father could die waiting for a donor kidney. I’m perfectly healthy and willing. I know the risks, Noct.”

 

“Ignis,” Noct pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a slow, deep breath. “I already owe you so much, you’ve already done too much for me…”

 

“I’m not doing it so that you can owe me later.” Ignis says, almost offended by the notion that Noct suggested. “It’s my duty as a health professional.”

 

Noct is getting frustrated that Ignis isn’t hearing his tacit reasons. “So you’re going to donate an organ to just _anyone_ who needs one?”

 

“Regis isn’t just _anyone_ ,” Ignis starts, “He’s the father to someone I care very deeply for. Someone I don’t want to see in any amount of pain. Ever.” He takes Noct’s hands and holds them. 

 

It’s the first time in two weeks that either one of them has mentioned the same comments that came up on Noct’s birthday, and it’s still not the right moment to try and sort them out into tangible, clear-cut feelings. He shakes his head left and right, jumbles of thoughts swimming in his brain and making it difficult to think. 

 

“Noct, let me do this.” Ignis urges softly. 

 

“What if the surgery goes wrong?” Noct closes his eyes, trying not to imagine how horrible it would be to lose both Ignis _and_ his father. “I couldn’t Ignis… I _couldn’t_.” He starts to shed tears, overwhelmed. 

 

Ignis pulls Noct’s hands to bring him closer and wraps his arms around Noct’s smaller frame, cradling and rocking him gently. “Shh, shh.” He rubs Noct’s back. “I’ll be perfectly fine. I’d need four to six weeks to fully recover, so I’ll be sure to get someone to take my place to help you while I’m laid up.”

 

“I don’t care about that.” Noct says. “ _I’ll_ take care of _you_.”

 

“Noctis,” Ignis laughs, and he nuzzles his nose on the top of Noct’s head. “Everything will be alright.”

 

“Thank you.” Noct tries to say as humbly as possible. “Thank you for saving my life and now my father’s life.”

 

Ignis smiles affectionately. “It’s my honor.”

 

* * *

 

 

Only few days later Ignis is being admitted to the hospital for his live donor surgery. Noct is attached to his hip, afraid to separate himself from him. A nurse named Cindy is supposed to meet them and act as Ignis’ replacement while he recovers, but Noct can’t focus on getting to know her until he knows Ignis and his father are doing okay. 

 

Noct stays by his side while Ignis is dressed, laid into the hospital bed, and prepped. He paces, despite Ignis telling him again and again to sit down, until the surgeon comes in. He injects a sedative into the IV that will put Ignis to sleep in a matter of minutes. They start to wheel Ignis into the operating room when Noct stops them.

 

“Wait!” Noct reaches for Ignis’ hand, his breathing labored. 

 

“Mm?” Ignis looks at him, eyes unfocused. The sedative is taking effect, fast. 

 

Noct bites his lip. “Are you sure you want to do this? You can still back out.”

 

Ignis laughs. “I’m sure,” He grips Noct’s hand tighter and smiles, “because I love you.”

 

Noct is so stunned by the words that he lets go and Ignis is wheeled away, leaving him breathless. 

 

‘ _Because I love you_.’

 

It plays in his head over and over. Ignis was drugged, he was loopy on sedative, that would explain why he said such a thing. Of _course_ , that was the reason. He wasn’t his normal self; Ignis would never say something so substantial without giving plenty of time to talk it over with logic and reason and his ever-present wisdom. His profession of love couldn’t have been what Noct pined for, _no_ , it couldn’t have. 

 

“‘Scuse me? Are you Noctis?” A woman with an accent breaks his mind’s wild ruminations. 

 

“Y-Yes?” He answers, turning toward her. She’s young with short curly blond hair and a kind smile. She’s wearing scrubs with a top that is a bit too revealing, but she rocks the style proudly. 

 

“I’m Cindy,” she extends her hand for a shake. “Ignis told me you’d need some help for a few weeks.”

 

She discusses her schedule with Noct and he does his best to listen, he really does, but he finds himself glancing to the clock on the wall what seems like every _minute_ to see how long it’s been since the last time he checked the clock.

 

“So we’ll start the day after tomorrow, then?” Cindy confirms, a kind smile on her face. 

 

“Sure, fine.” Noct does his best to respond. 

 

Almost six hours later, the operations are complete and Noct receives the news: both of them made it out of surgery just fine and are resting in recovery. 

 

Noct imagines he understands the power of the Astrals, because it feels like the tsunami of Leviathan washes over him with relief. 

 

“When can I see them?” is his first question. Cindy offers to take Noct into the recovery wing right away to see Ignis, even though he might be asleep for another few hours. As they walk, she explain that because his father is in a more fragile condition, Noct can’t go and see him for another few days, but she assures him that Regis is doing well and showing positive signs. 

 

Noct thanks her as they near the bed where Ignis rests. Noct quietly approaches its side and sits at the available chair, looking on Ignis’ peaceful expression. He looks to be simply sleeping, no sign of discomfort anywhere close to him. It soothes his soul to see he isn’t suffering after sacrificing so much for Noct’s sake. What has Noct done in his life to deserve such selfless devotion from Ignis? It’s because of him and him alone that Noct, and now his father, are healthy and happy. He feels so much love for this man that he is so indebted to, but he knows his admiration would never, ever, be enough to show how deeply Ignis has transformed his life. 

 

“Hi,” Ignis breathes, and Noct leans closer to him. 

 

“Hey,” Noct replies, afraid to touch him anywhere lest he hurt him. “How you feeling?”

 

“Good and drugged.” Ignis laughs slowly, still coming around to consciousness. 

 

“…You’re incredible.” Noct mumbles, secretly hoping Ignis doesn’t hear him. “I admire you so much for what you’ve done for me.” He says louder, wondering if Ignis even has the wherewithal to decipher what Noct is saying. 

 

“Regis?” Ignis asks in a whisper. 

 

“They told me he’s doing well.” Noct says, and even hearing aloud from himself is a comfort. 

 

“Good.” Ignis’ eyes flutter closed and he drifts back into sleep. 

 

* * *

 

 

Cindy is nice, but she isn’t Ignis. She doesn’t smile like Ignis, she isn’t sharp-witted like Ignis, she doesn’t cook like Ignis, she isn’t clever like Ignis, she doesn’t _smell_ like Ignis, that beautiful black currant that consumes his senses so delightfully. Ignis’ absence has Noct feeling drained, but he remains tenacious for the two most precious people in his life. 

 

He texts Ignis constantly, getting updates about the both of them when he can. Regis and Ignis are both regaining strength daily. While it will take longer for Regis to be his old self again, at least he’s begun walking the path to recuperation. 

 

Noct can’t get to the hospital as often as he would like without Ignis to drive him, but Cindy offers to bring him on her way over if she happens to be heading there. Ignis scolds Noct whenever he comes. “ _I’m only here another couple of days_!” he’ll say, but they end up relishing each other’s company anyway. 

 

Noct is able to see his father after a week. The donor organ is taking well to his body and the risk of infection has largely passed. 

 

“Noctis,” Regis greets him with open arms, although still in bed, when he enters. 

 

Noct doesn’t realize until it happens how much he missed his dad’s voice, his affect, and his warmth. He feels his chest tighten, comprehending just how close he came to losing his father forever. “Dad, you’re back?” 

 

Regis nods and strokes back Noct’s hair once he’s in his arms, like he’s a little boy again. “I’m back.”

 

Ignis watches them embrace from the doorway, smiling, careful to not make a peep as he propels the wheelchair he’s sitting in forward and down the hall. 

 

* * *

 

 

Three weeks later and everything is starting to go back to normal: Ignis is out of the hospital and back by Noct’s side. While Ignis still needs to take it easy for a few more weeks, he can generally resume his normal daily activities. It gives him a good excuse to sidle up next to Noct on the couch and watch a few movies with him. Regis is still in the hospital but is recovering spectacularly well and doing physical therapy to regain more and more strength every day. 

 

It’s late September and autumn is making its appearance in everything around them: the air is crisp, the sky gets darker earlier, and the leaves are falling from the trees. 

 

Ignis is making stir-fry rice while Noct snuggles up on the couch, his trusty blanket wrapped around his torso. It’s chilly and while his pain has decreased a little, it’s still a bit more elevated than he would like. Ignis said extreme stress could trigger severe pain, and he was right; it would take time to find his ‘normal’ again. 

 

“Noct,” Ignis says curiously, “I have something I wish to discuss with you.” He’s keeping himself busy over the stove, avoiding eye-contact. 

 

“O-okay?” Noct frets. He still hasn’t found the courage to talk to Ignis about his feelings, but only because Ignis hasn’t brought it up first. He steels himself for a difficult conversation. 

 

Ignis, ever the cavalier, carries on casually.  “The lease on my apartment is up and I can either renew it or look for a new place.”

 

“Oh,” Noct breathes a sigh of relief, although Ignis doesn’t know why. 

 

“Would you be opposed to the idea of me possibly looking for a place in the building?” Ignis asks, scooping the rice into bowls. He’s referring to a place in the same apartment building that Noct lives in currently. 

 

“N-no, not at all.” Noct laughs off. “You’re here all the time anyway. Would save time if you were closer…” He tries not to sound too eager, secretly loving the idea of Ignis being so close.  


 

“My thoughts exactly.” Ignis brings over their dinner in two overstuffed bowls, sitting so close that their thighs touch, and neither of them take a moment to be bothered by it. 

 

Noct takes his bowl of stir-fried rice and feels the world slow down: Ignis is the only man in the world at that moment, and the most drop-dead gorgeous, every feature of his seeming to Noct to be the most astonishing, remarkable attributes to ever grace a human being. He has the sudden irrepressible urge to reach out and take hold of him, to kiss him, to brush his fingertips through that rich hair, to feel his bare skin… 

 

Ignis turns, sensing Noct staring at him. “Something on my face?” He laughs with a mouthful of food. 

 

Noct feels like he lands from falling a distance of a hundred feet, the air knocked from his lungs forcefully. “No,” He falters, the heat oozing from his skin like liquid. He picks up his fork and starts to eat, leaving his feelings unsaid once again. 


	7. Chapter 7

The cold winter of December rushes in, and Noct celebrates nearly a year with Ignis at his side. Yet the longer they know each other and the closer they become, the harder Noct finds it to be around him. No, he doesn’t find Ignis objectionable in any way whatsoever; it’s just the opposite. He so desperately wants to confess his feelings, but he _chokes_ , physically and emotionally and mentally, just at the thought of even approaching Ignis with the possibility. Noct is too fragile and too uncertain to trust himself with his own heart. 

 

“Would you mind if I skip shopping today?” Noct asks Ignis. They’re in the car on their way to the store for their biweekly trip to stock both of their apartments. “I’d like to go and see my dad.”

 

Ignis shrugs, clicking on the turn signal to change course. “Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I think he’d enjoy the company.”

 

Shortly, Ignis pulls the car into the driveway of Noct’s old house and lets him out, waving as Noct approaches the door. Noct rings the doorbell and waits, knowing Ignis too will wait until he’s inside to leave him there. 

 

“Noctis, what a pleasant surprise!” Regis greets his son; one hand coming to hold him while the other grasps his cane. He uses a cane to get around now, but it’s a small price to pay for his life. “Did you come alone?”

 

“Ignis dropped me off.” Noct answers, turning to the car in the driveway. He and Regis both wave and Ignis waves back, taking it as a signal to take his leave. 

 

Noct steps into his old home and quickly closes the door to keep the heat inside. The familiar smell of the house greets him and gives him nostalgia about his childhood. He remembers being happy, despite always being in pain, as long as his father was beside him. His father has always been there for him, never quit on him, and always loved him unconditionally. 

 

Regis makes his way slowly towards the kitchen and Noct follows his lead. 

 

“Can I make you some coffee?” Noct offers, placing his heavy coat on the back of the chair. 

 

“You really _are_ doing well,” Regis chuckles, “I would love some.”

 

Noct nods and begins to prepare himself for what he wants to say. He _has_ to talk about his feelings for Ignis because that man is burning a hole into him. He’s afraid his father will be angry, or confused, or disappointed, but then again, maybe he won’t be… He pours the coffees once it is brewed and brings them to the table. 

 

Regis takes the mug and sips. “Mm, delicious.” 

 

Noct blows at the steam of his coffee, letting it cool a bit. “I have to get something off of my chest, because if I don’t talk to someone about it I’m going to explode.” He finds the courage to say somehow. 

 

“Go ahead.” Regis continues to drink, even though Noct is sure it’s still too hot. 

 

Noct takes a deep breath, trying to steady the dizzying feeling taking over his entire body. His closes his eyes and wraps his hands around the warm mug, trying to stop them from shaking. “I’m in love with Ignis.” He utters quietly, as if he’s ashamed. 

 

Regis waits until Noct opens his eyes to respond. Once the bright blue of his irises peek up from behind the black wisps of his hair, Regis gives him a kind, knowing smirk. “I know.”

 

“What?” Noct’s brow creases. 

 

“The way you look at him…” Regis pauses and lets out a sigh, “…you remind me of how I used to look at your mother.” Regis didn’t mention Noct’s mother often, and when he did it was always when he was utterly serious. He loved, and probably still loves, her dearly, because there was never anyone else with whom he decided to share his heart. 

 

“You’re not upset that I’m… _not straight_?” Noct says quietly, biting his lip after the words come out. It’s the first time he’s disclosed it aloud to anyone and he’s scared. 

 

“Noctis,” Regis admonishes gently. “I’m old but I’m not blind; I’ve had suspicions for a long time. Give me a little more credit, would you?” 

 

Noct groans and holds his head, in disbelief that he’s kept his ‘secret’ for so long for absolutely no reason. “What gave me away?”

 

“I’m your father. I like to think I know you pretty well, Noct.” Regis chimes. “So, have you told him?”

 

Noct scoffs. “Are you kidding? I’m barely able to tell _you_!”

 

“I would bet anything that he feels the same for you.”

 

“I don’t know…” Noct doesn’t doubt that Ignis cares for him, but he really honestly doesn’t know to what extent those feelings go. He never _did_ sit Noct down and explain what he meant all that time ago when he said ‘ _I care about you very deeply’_ that time that they got drunk together. Then again, Noct never asked. 

 

“Back at the hospital, I watched you two interact.” Regis starts, a warm grin gracing his handsomely aged face. “Ignis takes every opportunity he can to be close to you and to touch you. And you smile like I’ve never seen you smile when you move to be closer to him.” 

 

Noct tries to interrupt, mortified with embarrassment and his face burning red, but Regis continues. 

 

“Not to mention, he made an immense sacrifice for me, which in turn was an immense sacrifice for you. That’s not something that people do for someone they don’t _love_ , Noctis.”

 

As much as Noct wants it to be true, he has a hard time telling himself that it’s okay to believe it. Ignis is many things: kind, strong, effervescent, methodical, and witty, but he is not in the least bit cruel. He wouldn’t have said ‘ _I love you_ ’ and not meant it, would he?

 

“What are you afraid of?” Regis encourages, placing a hand on Noct’s. 

 

“Everything.” Noct mumbles. “Just… everything.”

 

“Tell him.” Regis urges. He offers advice only a father can give. 

 

An hour or so later, Ignis rings the doorbell to the house to collect Noct. He and Regis engage in some pleasant small-talk, promising to get together sooner than later, and then Noct makes his leave with Ignis. 

 

Regis stands in the doorway, watching them as they go. ‘ _Tell him_.’ Regis mouths wordlessly when Noct looks back at him. Noct bares his teeth as a way to tell him to shut it, and Regis just laughs affectionately. 

 

* * *

 

 

It’s Noct’s turn to make breakfast this morning, and he finds it so much easier since Ignis just did the shopping yesterday. Ignis taught him how to make easy and healthy dishes and Noct didn’t have to think so hard about what to make when there were so many ingredients to choose from. It’s almost 10:00am and Ignis should be making his way upstairs to Noct’s apartment from his own any minute now. 

 

As if on cue, Noct hears the door open and the telltale footsteps enter. 

 

“Morning,” Noct says, adding some butter to a warming pan on the stove. 

 

“Morning.” Ignis replies, carrying a bundle of folded paper. 

 

“Something wrong?” Noct notices the lack of usual cheeriness as he gets some cheese for omelettes.

 

“Sorry,” Ignis starts, forcing a tiny grin on his face. “Just a little preoccupied with some news.”

 

“ _Bad_ news?” Noct asks. 

 

“Just news.” Ignis tells him, unfolding the paper and turning it so Noct can read it. “I’m being honored at the annual Fleuret Medical Conference in Tenebrae. Apparently I’m to receive some sort of award.”

 

“That’s _great_ news, dummy!” Noct jokes, confusion trickling onto his face. “Why the heck do you look so upset about it?” 

 

“It’s in Tenebrae…” Ignis sits, putting his arms on the table out in front of him.   
  
“So?” Noct raises. 

 

“So…” Ignis pauses, unsure how to begin describing his aversion to his birthplace. “I’m _from_ Tenebrae.” He explains. 

 

Noct stops and looks to Ignis. “Huh, how come I didn’t know that?” Noct wonders what other things Ignis has hidden from him and why, suddenly full of worry. 

 

“I moved to Insomnia only a few years ago. Too many bad memories back there…” Ignis sighs, watching Noct cook and trying not to correct his technique. 

 

“Your brother?” Noct questions, continuing to prepare their breakfast. He wonders if either of them will have an appetite if their conversation continues this heavily. 

 

“Mm,” Ignis confirms with a tiny nod. “It made my family very distant. My parents divorced and don’t seem to have much interest in staying in touch with me. Not for lack of trying on my part, I’m afraid.”

 

Noct finds himself frowning involuntarily. Being so close to his father, he can’t imagine not having that kind of relationship in his life and it makes him sad. 

 

“Not only that, but… have I… mentioned Ravus before?” And Ignis knows he hasn’t, he’s just looking for an easy way to start the conversation. 

 

“Mm, I don’t think so.” Noct answers. The omelettes are done and he puts them onto two plates. 

 

“He’s… an ex of mine. Well the only ex.” Ignis takes his plate with a nod of thanks.

 

Noct rounds the table and sits next to Ignis with his own plate and remains quiet, hoping Ignis will continue. It’s the first confirmation Noct’s gotten that Ignis does, in fact, like other men. While that gives him a little hope, he reminds himself that now isn’t the time to be celebrating that fact. Now is the time to listen and be a good friend. 

 

Ignis takes a mouthful of the omelette and swallows before speaking. “We were together for almost three years. Vile man, that one.”

 

“Three years is a long time…” Noct remarks, taking small bites. 

 

Ignis pokes at the egg, stirring it around with his fork. “We grew up in Tenebrae together and started seeing each other when we were eighteen. We were both prodigies of medicine, him more because of his father’s money, if I’m being honest.”

 

“Isn’t that always the way?” Noct quips, trying to make Ignis smile just a little. 

 

“Unfortunately, yes. That damned awards conference is named after their family, Fleuret.” Ignis scoffs. “What did I _ever_ see in him?”

 

“You’re only human, you know.” Noct comforts him. “We all make mistakes.”

 

“Quite a monumental mistake it was.” Ignis jeers. “We moved to Insomnia together two years ago. He became unreasonably merciless to me, though in reality he’d always been that way and I had just begun to realize it. Shortly after moving in together, I’d had quite enough of him and left.”

 

“You’ve been alone since then?” Noct asks, his tone soft.

 

“It’s taken a long time to trust anyone.” Ignis’ gaze falls to Noct and he stares for a long time before closing his eyes and turning away, a grin on his face. “About a year, to be precise.”

 

Noct understands perfectly the implications of Ignis’ words and he feels his chest tighten. His father’s words from the day before echo in his head, urging him on. “Ignis, I—” he begins, but he can’t make anything come out. It would be comical if he was on the outside looking in, seeing his mouth open and close without the ability to produce sound, but it’s not funny and it makes him angry. His insecurity, his pain, his self-doubts and anxiety, his entire body all work against him in getting what he truly wants: love, intimacy, and devotion. He exhales and gives up yet again, saving it for another day. Maybe.

 

Ignis sits silently, appraising Noct’s body language. He knows by now when to push and when to let things go, and this is one of those times to let things go. “Sorry, I went off on a tangent…” He pats Noct’s shoulder, letting his hand linger there. “But I ought to go to that award conference. It might look bad for me to skip it.”

 

Noct is soothed by Ignis’ ability to always redirect his angst. “When is it?”

 

“Next month…” Ignis reads from the invitation. “Tenebrae is far, it’s a few days’ journey one way. I would be gone for two weeks…”

 

“Oh…” Noct’s expression falls. He knows he could take care of himself if he _had to_ for that long, but it would be hard, and it would be lonely. 

 

“…Unless, you’d be so kind as to join me?” Ignis offers. “It’s the sort of function to which they expect you to bring a companion.” He looks desperate. 

 

Noct turns his head to look at Ignis. “Me?”

 

“Of course you.” Ignis’ gaze is affectionate and soft. “Just in case I need you…”

 

Noct blushes, recognizing his old line. 

 

“I know large social situations unnerve you, and it’s a long journey, but would you consider it?”

 

“I don’t need to consider it,” Noct tells him. “I’ll go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Their journey to Tenebrae is more incredible than Noct expects: he gawks at _everything._ The vast desert of Leide astounds him and the dazzling ocean at Galdin Quay takes him aback. Noct realizes it’s the first time he’s seen the ocean in person, and he stares out into it for hours while they await the arrival of the ferry. Then, the entire time they travel on the ferry, Noct points at every landmass for miles and miles. Ignis laughs, having to remind Noct to remain seated like he’s a fidgety child. 

 

The ferry lands in Cartanica after a day at sea. They rest at a small inn overnight before they board a train that will bring them to Tenebrae. Ignis can see that Noct is feeling more fatigued, but he doesn’t complain, he just remains a little closer, keeps a hand on Ignis’ arm for more stability, and slows his pace down a little. 

 

The train ride does more to weave wonder into Noct’s mind. “It’s my first train ride.” He tells Ignis, and Ignis loves that he can watch Noct experience so many firsts. The closer they get to Tenebrae, the more wooded and sylvan their surroundings become. Trees thicker and taller than the largest buildings in Insomnia surround them, their old limbs hang down and cover nearly the whole sky above them. Waterfalls of various heights seem to be around every corner, opening up into endless rivers and creeks. 

 

The smell of the air changes, too, and immediately Noct recognizes the black currant smell he’s become so acquainted with. He breathes deeply, a thrilling shiver spreading throughout his limbs. “Tenebrae is so beautiful.” He says, unable to tear his eyes from looking out of the window.

 

Ignis, too, fills his lungs and expels the city air from them. “There’s certainly a healing property to it all, isn’t there?” But he isn’t looking outside, he’s looking at Noct next to him, appreciating his closeness. He drapes his arm around the back of Noct’s shoulders, pulling him close against him as he whispers, “Thank you for being here with me.”

 

Noct leans back into Ignis, his head nestling between the older’s neck and shoulder, as they both watch the world go by out of the train window. 

 

* * *

 

 

Ignis and Noctis arrive at the Fleuret Medical Conference at the end of dusk a day later. It’s held in a brilliant outdoor circular court made of marble floors and tall, thick pillars. The same mountainous trees surround them and provide a gentle rustling sound with their swaying limbs. Above them, big, bright stars in the dark blue night sky twinkle in and out of sight. It reminds Noct of the restaurant they visited for his birthday in the summer, but the real thing is so much more breathtaking and unforgettable. 

 

But the pristine nature that surrounds them isn’t the only sight that Noct can’t take his eyes off of: Ignis always dresses nicely, but he’s wearing a slim-cut black suit with a dark purple dress shirt underneath. His hair is slightly slicked back for the occasion too and Noct thinks he couldn’t look more handsome. As for himself, he’s feeling a bit shy in a black suit with white pinstripes and matching tie. It looks like something his father would wear, he thinks. 

 

Noctis also feels incredibly out of place among the brilliant minds that surround him at the medical conference. There are famous doctors and scientists here that he’s only heard about in articles and on television, so to see them in person is pretty humbling. Ignis offers to introduce Noct to a few of them that he knows, but Noct politely refuses. Instead, Ignis tells him embarrassing facts about them all, making them seem a bit more human. 

 

They’re mingling among the crowds, sipping on strong drinks before the ceremony, when a voice clearly directed at Ignis interrupts them. 

 

“I understand congratulations are in order!” A man with shoulder-length blond, nearly silver, hair approaches them, arms open in a welcome gesture, but his wry expression is anything but welcoming. 

 

“Gods…” Ignis groans, at once looking despondent. He grips Noct’s arm to pull him in close and whispers “It’s Ravus, let’s keep this short” to warn him. 

 

But Noct has other ideas. “Ravus, what a pleasure.” Noct, despite being shorter, gets directly between Ignis and Ravus’ line of sight to him. “I’ve heard so much about you.” He sneers, glaring Ravus right in his eyes. 

 

Ravus gives Noct a slow once-over, seeming bored. “And you are?”

 

“Noctis Lucis Caelum.” He answers, squaring up his stance. 

 

“Oh, adorable.” Ravus folds his arms, looking pleasantly surprised. “You couldn’t be without your caregiver when he went away so you followed him here.”

 

“ _Ravus_ —” Ignis tries, exasperated. 

 

“He asked me to be here.” Noctis talks over him. “And he’s here because he earned it, not because someone bought it for him.”

 

Ravus’ eyes narrow. “…You’d be smart not to speak of things you know nothing about.” 

 

“You should take your own advice.” Noct pushes, his voice stern. 

 

Ravus scoffs, glances to Ignis, and realizes he’s close to defeat. “Well do try to enjoy yourself with him, _Noctis_ , he’s rather boring in bed.” He gives one last twist of the knife, as is Ravus’ usual style, before turning and walking away from them. 

 

Ignis lets out the breath he’s been holding. “You didn’t have to do that.”

 

Noct, too, finds he needs to catch his own breath. “I… didn’t want him thinking he could hurt you.” He says shyly. 

 

“Noct…” Ignis grins. “I’m honestly touched.” 

 

Noct is still winded from adrenaline but laughs. “And I bet you’re _not_ boring in bed.” 

 

Ignis snickers, flushing pink. “That’s a conversation for another time. Let’s go and sit; I think all that excitement did a number on you.”

 

Dinner is served, speeches are made, and the time comes for Ignis to receive his award. Noct misses the exact name of it, but it’s for Ignis accomplishing so much in the field of medicine at such a young age. Noct stands when the crowd applauds for Ignis, not caring or noticing if anyone else joins him. Ignis shoots him a look to stop making a spectacle of it, but Noct only claps louder and raises his hands higher above his head. It makes Ignis smile up on the stage, much to Ravus’ obvious annoyance as he rolls his eyes, and that almost makes Noct more content than anything.

 

The last of the recipients obtain their awards and slow, soft music begins to play. 

 

“Noct,” Ignis stands and extends his hand to Noct, “Would you… dance with me?”

 

Noct makes a pained expression, looking around the room as nearly everyone else has taken the dance floor with their partner. “I-I don’t know how.”

 

“Skill isn’t necessary, only the desire.” Ignis assures, keeping his hand outstretched. 

 

Noct swallows back his fear and gives his hand to Ignis, letting the older guide him from his seat. They barely take two steps before Ignis rests his right hand on Noct’s waist and holds his left arm bent, leading them. 

 

Nervously, Noct sets his left hand on Ignis’ shoulder and brings his right hand to Ignis’ left, the softness of his hands sending a shiver through him. His senses are overwhelmed, especially when Ignis’ index finger snakes around Noct’s pinky to lace those fingers together in the most gentle way. 

 

Ignis pulls Noct minutely closer before he starts to move them in a small circle in place, swaying to the speed of the music. Noct follows as best as his clouded mind lets him, focusing his gaze on anything but the man he’s with. If he were to look at him right now, well, he might just faint. 

 

“You’re doing perfectly.” Ignis compliments, his voice only loud enough for Noct to hear. It lights Noct’s skin on fire, that private voice only meant for him. He wants to hear it forever. 

 

A heat builds between them, drawing their gazes to each other’s like a magnet. Noct can’t deny it any longer and he tips his chin upward, finding Ignis’ eyes already locked on him. He knows his own eyes are lidded and his lips are parted, but he can’t seem to care. Noct is intensely aware of their legs brushing with every sway, their chest pressing together with how close they are, and how delicately their hands are laced. 

 

“Ignis?” 

 

“Hm?”

 

“These past few months…” Noct breathes, his heart racing a mile a minute. “I keep trying to… starting to tell you…”

 

Ignis hand raises from Noct’s waist to his cheek, his fingertips grazing the skin softly. He knows but he waits for Noct to continue, reciprocating his feelings before they’re even revealed. 

 

“That I—” Noct laughs breathily. “Sorry, I’m so dizzy suddenly.”

 

“Noctis,” Ignis’ lips come to Noct’s forehead and he whispers as if no one else surrounds them. “I know how you feel, because I return your feelings wholeheartedly.”

 

Noctis exhales and his forehead falls to Ignis’ chest. “You do?”

 

“Forgive me for taking so long to confess to you. I have a very fragile heart.” Ignis’ hand strokes Noct’s hair, having abandoned their slow dance. 

 

Noct feels eyes on him, a skill his social anxiety has granted him. This moment is too important for strangers to intrude upon, so he takes Ignis’ hand. “Let’s talk somewhere else.” He pulls Ignis as he searches for somewhere private and spots a small balcony overlooking a valley, all but abandoned by the rest of the guests. He drags them to the site and turns to face Ignis, a new feeling beating his heart harder and stronger. “How long have you felt this way?” Noct asks, eyes imploring him. 

 

Ignis bites his lip. “For months… for the better part of our time together.” He clarifies, a guilty grin gracing his face. He reaches between them and takes Noct’s hands in his own. 

 

Noct returns the touch, lacing their fingers together again. “You told me you loved me at the hospital.” Noct torments himself with that memory.“You really meant it…” 

 

“Indeed I did.” Ignis chuckles, no malice in his voice at all. 

 

“I didn’t believe you.” Noct shakes his head. “I thought you said it because you were drugged.”

 

“I knew you needed time to trust, as did I.” Ignis recounts. “And… perhaps the drugs did have a _little_ something to do with it.” They laugh together, both a bundle of nerves and happiness. 

 

“I’ve wanted to confess for some time now, but every time I tried, I choked up.” Noct confesses. “I was afraid I’d misread your kindness for affection, or that you’d only been so good to be was because you had to…”

 

Ignis stops him with a hug. “Your reservations are a small part of what charms me to you.” 

 

Noct groans. “It’s what I hate about myself. I thought others felt the same…”

 

Ignis shakes his head. “Just the opposite, Noct.” He tips Noct’s chin up, glancing between his eyes and his lips, lingering for _too long_ on his lips to remain inconspicuous.

 

It makes Noct swallow, a hunger taking over him out of nowhere. He draws his arms up and around Ignis’ shoulders, bringing their faces closer. Before he knows what he’s doing, he closes his eyes and presses his lips to Ignis’, finding the kiss to be better than he could have ever imagined. It’s soft until their lips part while still pressed together, drawing air from each other, and it becomes fevered in a hurry, Ignis drawing Noct’s lower lip between his own. Noct emits a whine he’s sure pulls Ignis closer to him because he feels hands on his back now, searching and grabbing. Their lips continue to explore teasingly slowly, making some salaciously wet sounds, and Noct feels brave enough to peek the tip of his tongue forward, swiping Ignis’ lower lip. It’s Ignis’ turn to make an embarrassing sound and it makes Noct giggle. 

 

“More,” Ignis whispers into Noct’s mouth, parting his lips just a tiny bit wider. 

 

Noct obliges, licking into Ignis’ mouth once their lips connect, finding Ignis’ tongue meets him halfway. His taste is magnificent, a blend of the wine he’s been drinking this evening and his own scent, that same black currant he treasures. And now, tying that scent to the feeling of making out with Ignis like this, it’s quickly becoming an aphrodisiac. His fingers find Ignis’ belt and he tucks his fingers around the underside of the leather. Noct grips it tightly before giving Ignis’ waist a sharp tug forward, feeling the other hard against him. Ignis positively _snarls_ in response, ready to pounce Noct for it. 

 

They must be going at it too enthusiastically because a waiter clears his throat about twenty feet from them, startling Noct and Ignis enough to separate them and notice their disheveled sate. 

 

“What were we… talking about?” Noct asks, laughing at Ignis’ askew glasses and fixing them for him. 

 

“I’m afraid I couldn’t recall if I tried.” Ignis grins coyly, a hand coming to smooth down Noct’s own flyaways.“All the blood seems to have disappeared from my brain.”

 

“You too?” Noct jokes. “But in reality…” He comes to bring his arms around Ignis’ middle again, “I’d love more of this, on a more permanent basis…?”

 

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend, Noct?” Ignis asks, too much boldness in his expression. 

 

A slow smile builds on Noct’s face. “…Yeah~” He blushes. 

 

“Good, because I was going to ask if you hadn’t.” Ignis goes to kiss him again, offended onlookers be damned. “In other words, yes.”

 

* * *

 

 

A week later, on the long train ride leaving Tenebrae, Noct is writing a text message to his father to let him know that they’re on their way home from the trip. He hits send and sits back, looking to the man on his right. 

 

Ignis’ head is resting on his shoulder, and he’s pretty sure Ignis is sleeping from his even breathing. Noct takes a moment to look through the dozens of selfies on his phone that they took over the past week. There’s so many of them kissing, snuggling, and just holding each other. They were used to being close and touching, but now it had a new level of intimacy as boyfriends, and they loved to say the word out loud. 

 

Noct’s phone buzzes, a reply from his dad.

 

**ok, c u when u get home. be safe.**

 

Noct thinks back to his conversation with him last month and can’t wait to tell him the good news. He looks at the photos of him and Ignis again, finds a relatively PG-rated photo of the two of them sharing a kiss, and copies it to a blank message to his dad. He types out a message with the photo and hits send. 

 

**ps: i told him… u were right.**

 

Noct tucks the phone in his lap as he enjoys the scenery outside of the train window as they make their way home. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo sorry it took so long to get this finale to you! I wanted it to be PERFECT so I was being nit-picky about everything! I hope you were satisfied with the ending ^^ I might add a little epilogue at some point with some tender love-making ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) comment if you're interested in reading that!
> 
> ps i'm on tumblr if u wanna check out how much ignoct trash i post or say hi  
> emihuya.tumblr.com


End file.
